No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Welcome back, me.

I'm back! 

And I'll be back regulary from here on. What a stressful weekend. Even after I felt things would get better, they didn't. In fact, for a brief moment they got worse. From Friday until about 2 pm today I dealt with severe anxiety. All weekend I was on the verge a breakdown, making myself sick with stress. I should work on that. 

The only good thing to happen to me Friday was the arrival of my shoes! As you may know by my "title', I love to run. I love running, lipstick, and tattoos. That's just me. 

A little bit of a back story.

I hated running. HATED. It made me miserable. I was slow and I felt even fatter trying to run and failing. A mile would take me 17 minutes on a good day. And that's when I wasn't even "fat." In high school I was always one of the last ones done to run my mile. It was so embarrassing. I was never athletic, but I most defiitely wasn't out of shape enough to be running almost 20 minute miles. Seriously, I let this always bother me. And from high school on I hated running. Actually, there was one summer in high school that I became really athletic and I tried running and somewhat liked it, but I never kept it up. 

After high school I wasn't into getting fit right off the bat. I had one roommate who I worked out with on and off. But nothing ever consistent or rewarding. It wasn't until late 2010 that I started working out like crazy. I had my own workout room in my house. By workout room I pretty much mean an elliptical, Bowflex, free weights, yoga mat, and P90x DVDs. But hey, it did the trick. OKAY. So every night I was working out with no room for excuses since I had all the basics in my home. The following spring I tried running again. I still sucked. I hated it less than the last time I tried though. Mostly it was a glorified walk. That summer was the worst. Lots of changes happened in my life, but lots of good things happened. Ones that would change my life. 

I ended up gaining weight. Lots of weight. 40 pounds, but hell I was happy. Because seriously, who doesn't notice that much weight gain? A happy person, that's who. It wasn't until about November that I realized exactly how much weight I gained. I may not look it (as some people like to tell me), but I was pushing 200 pounds. Yikes. I'm 5'2, for the record. 
From my rave days. I was dressed as Heffer. As in Heffer from Rocko's Modern life. You see it now,   don't you? Lol. 
I think this picture is what did it for me. When you pose you can stand in a position to appear somewhat flattering, but when someone candidly takes a photo of you....yea. I borderline cry when I see this photo. I was so unhealthy. 

Fast forward to fall of 2012. 

After all my ups and downs, weight loss and weight gains, I was back to working out consistently again. My roommate at the time was my workout partner. He and I worked out every day. We'd start out on the treadmills. He would run, I would walk at an incline. I was tired of just being a walker. I wanted to run. So slowly I started running. I was running a 17 minute mile, then a 15, then a 14, then a 13, 12, 11. 11 and a half became my comfort pace. And once in December, I ran an 9.26 minute mile. I felt invincible. I remember almost crying I was so happy. (Clearly I cry a lot) 

It wasn't until my friend introduced my to the REAL Badger Mountain, that I fell in love with trail running. I had never been so liberated running than when I was running that mountain. So of course, I needed trail running shoes. I did my research and found out New Balance shoes were highly rated for trail running. 

I bought my first vibram soled New Balance trail running shoes and fell in love. BETTER than any Nike shoes I've ever owned. Since then I've owned 4 pairs. As of Friday I now have 5. One pair is specifically for my mountain hiking. 

Introducing, my newest New Balance W140s. 
Aren't they beautiful!? Here's the best part.... THEY FREAKING GLOW IN THE DARK. 
To show you this, I turned down the light in my photo. Check them out! 
The 5 year old in me is crying still. Every time I look at them they make me so happy. 

Of course I broke them in with an 8 mile run. 

I was actually planning to run in them Friday, but with all the stress and anxiety that took over, I just couldn't mentally focus on a run. Funny, considering running releases stress. 

Saturday. That's the day I ran. Except I wanted to look cute, duh. BUT! With everything I dealt with last week, I had 47142861 loads of laundry to catch up on which included the workout pants I wanted to wear to match my shoes. You know what that meant, right? Yeppppp. Shopping trip. So I made my way to Macys and JCP clearance rack. I was somewhat disappointed but I did find some cute pants for $24.99. I found 3 to perfectly match my shoes, but I could only bring myself to buy one. I'm going back for the rest though, who am I kidding? Here's the cuteness I came up with Saturday. 
Matching is very very important! 

Pro Tip: Don't be afraid to look cute at the gym. Because the cuter you look, the harder to have to work to make yourself look like shit. Aka a sweaty, red beast. ❤️ 


The end. For now. 



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